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I sat down at the computer to check my emails per the usual morning routine, but this time the computer was talking back. A sign kept popping up warning me, like a frustrated parent, that I needed to manage my data clutter or it would do it for me... and I wouldn't have any control over what was permanently trashed!
I knew I had stored away precious photos I didn't want lost, so I began looking into what all was clogging up the space. You guys... I was shocked at how much stuff there was, things I hadn't even realized I had squirreled away, lots of it by accident, I'm certain.
Some of this stuff went back years. YEARS! I had no clue what any of it was, so I had to start the arduous task of opening each one to determine whether it was a keeper or not.
Well, one I came across was a letter I had written, a letter I never sent, thank goodness. This letter was from years and years ago. As I read the words anew, I was taken aback by what I had said there. The incident had long been forgotten, but now, was right up close and personal again, the sting of that moment being rekindled with every line. How I wished I had deleted this thing all those years ago. Better yet, I wished I had never written it in the first place.
It was written as a response to a time I was highly offended and deeply hurt by someone close to me. The words, though speaking from another place and time, betrayed nothing. They were pointed and raw. The depth of the offense and hurt was demonstrated by the letter's length.
Having now had the time to move well beyond that place, I found my words to be just as offensive and hurtful as the ones that had hurt me. It was clear by what I wrote that I was trying my best to justify my actions, the things I had said. It was obvious I felt my point of view was the one that mattered most. I was the one in the right. At least that's what I thought back then.
But...
But justification is the realm of only One... the One who has moved the fridge and exposed what's underneath. A Sunday school teacher told me once that the word justified means just-as-if-I'd never sinned, and there's only One who can make it so.
God speaks to us in myriad ways. It always blows my mind how He can so effectively point us in the right direction, so gently show the error of our ways, so kindly bring us 'round again to the truth.
That's exactly what He did earlier this week. I read a devotion about how we as sinful human beings don't always deal with one another in grace, because we too often forget the grace we need, the grace we've been given. We take offense when someone is "short" with us, when we think we've been dealt with unfairly. We are hurt by betrayals and slights. We feel the sting of cruel remarks... and we remember.
Oh, my goodness, how we remember! In anger, frustration,or hurt we pick up a pen or head to the keyboard and begin to "vent." It may as well be a stone...the destruction is the same.
So, you see, this is when Jesus steps in, and without saying a word, begins to slowly move the fridge. He knows that the tidy facade of our lives, the squeaky clean smell of citrus and lavender is simply masking what's really lurking underneath. We ALL have dirt, every last one of us.
We may have forgotten about it in those semi-self-righteous moments when we sit down to write letters to the offender, but the offenses we've committed, the hurts we've caused stare at us from out of the grime, the grit. That errant blueberry, now petrified and covered in fuzz, effectively brings us back to reality... we have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus is there to gently remind us of just how many of our own offenses He's had to clean up.
It is our "writing in the dirt" moment, and we are all... ALL... standing there with rocks in our hands.
Thank God for Jesus. He alone can wipe the dirt away. We must let loose our stones and cling to Him. Only through Him can our misdeeds be forgiven, our grace realized, and our lives...
just-as-if-I'd never sinned.
"If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." - I John 1:8,9
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