Cleaning in the Dark

"...how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:4

Cleaning in the dark is an exercise in futility. I know. I've tried it!

A few weeks back San Antonio experienced a crazy amount of rain, nearly eight inches! I remember the night that storm rolled in. The lightning strikes were so frequent it almost looked like strobe lights going off. Somewhere around 3:00 a.m. our electricity went off... and stayed off for about ten hours.

I remember it was a Thursday, because Thursdays are my house cleaning days, and being the somewhat (ahem... rigid) schedule-oriented individual I am, I quickly decided to keep to that plan despite the weather. And let me tell you, when this little casita is without artificial light sources, it can be pretty dark! There are solar screens on the west side, and deep awnings on nearly all the windows, which is absolutely marvelous during the hot Texas summers; but... when the outside blackness matches that on the inside, it's really difficult to do anything without a flashlight!

However, like the slogan of the U.S. Postal Service... nothing shall deter me from my appointed rounds! Not even the pitch black!! (or so I thought)

I spent a significantly longer time that day trying to fumble around with my dust cloth and mop. Don't laugh... but there WAS, indeed, a point at which I got the flashlight out to see the pattern of wet streaks on the floor so I could tell where to mop next. I know... borderline... Gotcha!

Anyway, for all that time and extra effort, the house wasn't really any cleaner than when I'd started. All I had succeeded in doing was pushing the dirt around, because I wasn't able to see clearly enough to make a difference.

It kind of hit me. This is what I'm doing when I've messed up royally with someone over something and try to fix the mess myself... it's about as effective as cleaning in the dark.

Oh, I start off pretty good, really I do. I begin with (what appears to be) a sincere apology, but instead of leaving it at that, I add. I add just enough to completely cancel every almost sincere word. It often goes something like this: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to sound so gruff (++++)... but your attitude today put me over the edge." Or, how about this one: "I understand you're upset (++++)... but if you had given yourself more time, we wouldn't be in a rush right now."

Any of those sound familiar?

I think my default setting is basically to throw shade somewhere else. It's always my default setting when I'm trying to clean up messes on my own, without any Light. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it. That's the only way to see clearly. To see my attitude, my mistakes, my lack of grace.

I need to operate in the Light. I need to practice mercy, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. I need to realize that for every splinter I detect in someone else's eye, there's a big ol' log in my own.

That log... it blurs the reality of my own reflection. That log puts me squarely in the dark, and there's no coming into the light without the forgiveness that Jesus offers. I can try all I want to make my messes clean again, to make amends, to resolve conflicts, to heal wounds without His help; but just like dusting and mopping that Thursday in the dark, I'm only shuffling the dirt around.

Thanks be to Jesus for forgiveness and salvation, and thanks be to the God who never gives up on me no matter how many times I must frustrate Him to no end with my incessant insistance...

on trying to clean in the dark.