The Beauty of Forgiveness

"He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities underfoot. Yes, Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea." - Micah 7:19

A while back I was having a conversation with one of my adult children about a gift I thought they might like for their upcoming birthday. I mentioned a few different possibilities. Among them was a gift card or money they could use to spend however they wished and suggested we might hang out together to do the shopping. Later that evening I was talking with my husband about the message I received in response, and I got choked up just trying to relay the text. This is what it said:

"Honestly, you don't have to do any birthday money. Hanging out with you is a gift itself."

Now, lest you think I shared that tidbit to brag about being "Mother of the Year," you don't know the rest of the story... and it's a whopper.

I wish I could say I've been a wonderful mom, that I've done everything right, that my children will rise up and call me blessed, but I can't. I won't lie to you like that. What I will admit to you is that I've made mistakes, lots of them, and had it not been for the grace of God and for His forgiveness, as well as for the forgiveness my children practice because of their love for Jesus, I might never have received this precious reply.

You need not concern yourself with which of my children left the message. Believe me, they all had moments with me that could have gone sideways, and I can't tell you how eternally... yes, eternally grateful I am to the Lord that He came behind me to faithfully pick up the broken pieces and put them back together again. Thing is, brokenness leaves scar tissue, no matter how long ago a wound has healed.

That's why those words hit me so hard. This particular relationship had more than its fair share of conflict. The two of us had been at odds it seemed over all kinds of things. Maybe we were too much alike. Maybe it was stress, or the change of life, or caring for aging parents, or, blah, blah, blah. What difference does that make? I was wrong to let my behavior do anything that might damage the trust, the love, that bond held sacred between parent and child.

That's why forgiveness is so beautiful.

Apologizing is only half the healing. To be truly whole, one must also forgive and receive forgiveness in return. For it to work, for it to "take", the apology and the forgiveness must both be real, authentic. Anyting less puts us in that place of thinking to ourselves, "I'll forgive you, but you'd better believe I won't forget." That kind of attitude leaves a way out of the deal. "Mess with me again, and it's over!" If we're believers, we hear those words of Jesus echo, "seventy times seven," and it seems absurd.

Seriously?

Yes, seriously.

We are all flawed, sinful human beings. We're nothing if not predictable in our capacity and culpability to hurt and wrong the ones we love. It's sad, but true. That doesn't have to be the end of the story though... because of forgiveness. I love, LOVE, the verse mentioned at the top of this post from Micah 7. God will have compassion on us. He will grind our iniquities into the dust. He will cast our sins into the depths of the sea. What imagery that evokes! Other places in Scripture God promises that He will remember our sins no more.

That might be easier for God than for me, you might be thinking.

Easier?

Highly doubtful. Humankind has done nothing but spit in the face of God's goodness and His grace since the get-go, and YET, He forgives, over, and over, and over again. He forgives because He loves us... deeply, profoundly... and because He values a relationship with each and every one of His precious children.

That being said, how then do we go about forgiving the wrongs done to us? Restoring broken relationships? On our own we simply can't. We could never cast those hurts far enough away to forget forever. They would continue to rise up, rearing their ugly heads, keeping reconciliation at arm's length. The best chance we've got is to hand them over to our Father in heaven, and let Him do the chunking. His aim perfect. His arm strong. He will not miss the mark, for what HE casts into the sea stays buried.

That's our only chance at forgiving and forgetting. That's the only thing that truly heals old wounds, the only thing that erases scar tissue, so that we can offer time spent with a precious loved one and receive the response...

"Hanging out with you is a gift itself." God is good... so good, and I am grateful.

A note to parents:

Moms and Dads, parenting is a tough gig. It takes everything in you... and then some to just make it through the day at times. Some days will be victories. Some days will be disasters. Then, there will come the day you do something or say something so completely unintended and hurtful it will shock and disappoint you to your core. You will damage your relationship with your child, and you will feel utterly defeated, like the battle is lost. It doesn't have to be, thank God. He will have been watching. He will have seen, and He will have felt both your pain as well as your child's. If you let Him, He will come along behind and help pick up the pieces and mend the relationship. Apologizing isn't a sign of weakness, but of strength. The same can be said of forgiveness. These tools are from God, and they can do miraculous things. Rely on Him always and teach your beloved children to do the same. Thanks to Jesus, nothing is broken beyond repair.