Liars Gonna Lie

I closed the book and set it on the table. I started to get out of bed and begin my day...cleaning to get to, laundry to be washed, you know... but something felt "off." There was uneasiness beginning to surface. I wish I could say it was an unfamiliar feeling, but it wasn't. It had visited before. I didn't like it then. It was an even less welcome guest now.

I pushed through. I tried to think of something else. I got the sheets off the bed and got dressed, but all the while there was a heaviness that seemed to hold my thoughts hostage. The more I tried to shake it, the worse the feelings became. I could feel hot tears welling up in my eyes and then, overflowing onto my cheeks.

Where was this coming from?! These recollections were distant memories... things I had done and said that I shouldn't have... things I ought to have done that I hadn't. I was sure I had put these things behind me, buried them years ago; so why were they resurfacing today?

I had questions.

How can something that's been long forgotten and, yes, even long forgiven, come back to wreak havoc again? After all this time, why would these emotions still seem fresh and real? The answer came in the form of a Facebook response from my husband. I had sent him a private message asking him to pray for me because I was beginning to feel those conscience-stricken feelings again.

Those "feelings" have an extremely effective way of maneuvering me to a dark-ish place if I let them... a place I know I shouldn't linger long. It's not important for you to have a complete run-down of my shortcomings or the feelings of disappointment and sorrow they create. Trust me. Nobody wants to see that list! What IS important to know, is how to recognize who is behind them... and let me tell you, I had opened the door to an imposter.

"Ping."

There was a notice from my computer. My sweet husband had seen my message and had sent back a one-liner that shook me to my core. "I think those feelings are not from God," he replied. I sat for a second, just staring at those words on the screen. I knew he was right. I realized I was in the midst of a wrestling match with a formidable foe, one who wanted to take me down, and he was succeeding. I had entertained the voice of a liar. He whispered so softly at first I had to strain to hear him, but where I should have called him out, I listened instead.

One of the true blessings in life is having a godly spouse who can share God's Word and His wisdom with you when you are too rattled to recall it yourself. My husband pointed me back to the One who had already suffered and died for my mistakes. He reminded me that Jesus stands always at the ready to fight the enemies and the battles too big for me to win. In that one beautiful, concise line, Tom had spoken the entirety of "truth." God takes sin away... and with it, our guilt. "As far as the East is from the West, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." Picture that. A line stretching out to infinity in two opposite directions... never the two to meet.

I am a forgiven child of God. My mistakes, my misdeeds, have all been swallowed up in Christ's righteousness.

I felt the way I did today because I had let a liar have his fifteen minutes of fame on the stage of my heart. He knew just how to capture my attention too, but why was he so interested... in me... in today? To tell you the truth, I think it's because I have been trying my best to be faithfully in the Word. God's Word. In fact, that's the book -The Book- I was reading this morning before getting out of bed. I had spent time with the Lord, the captain of my life, and Satan couldn't stand it.

Make no mistake. This Liar hates me. Isn't that what haters do best... hate? They capitalize on our vulnerabilities, the scar tissue covering old guilt... shame, and they go to town picking and probing at those old wounds until they're raw and bleeding again. Satan tries his best to convince me that my sin still stands, that in place of forgiveness there is conviction. Thing is, all a liar can do is lie. We have the truth and a Truth-bearer who took my guilt, and yours, upon Himself. His blood covers my wounds, and with His death and resurrection, my sins are buried... for good.

Satan is the Father of Lies, but he is not my dad. My Father speaks truth, that I am His and He is mine. I need to listen carefully for His voice. There is no deceit there. His voice rings loud and clear, and with it, He calls me forgiven.