Inspired... or Inadequate?

During these months of voluntary quarantine when more time than ever has been spent at home, I realize I've begun investing more of myself than I really should in sites like Pinterest and Instagram. I like to find new inspiration whether it be for decorating the house, planning a garden, or whipping up a tasty new dish, so I've appeased my guilty conscience with the thought that investing this time in "research" will make me so much more productive in the long-run.

So I scroll...

and scroll

And.

Scroll.

But there's a little bit of danger in all that innocent perusing, because as much as it can leave you inspired to try new things, it can also just as easily leave you feeling inadequate by comparison.

One of the things I have struggled with my whole adult life has been dealing with these feelings of inadequacy. Don't get me wrong, I know my value lies in what God sees in me and not how I'm viewed through the world's lens, but I still play the comparison game. I don't want to... but I do. I fall into that trap so easily.

Do you?

I believe that we are all gifted by our Creator with unique talents and abilities. I believe that God gave great thought to that special combination of personality and giftedness that would make each of us as individuals especially equipped to serve Him, as well as to serve others. I also believe that there are those who possess an abundance of these gifts and are able to put them all to use in the most amazing and creative ways... but I am not one of these.

I have always been the person who could only throw myself wholeheartedly into one endeavor at a time, hoping to do the task to the best of my ability, even if way short of perfection.

I recently discovered the Instagram and Blog of a young woman who is living a very inspiring life. She is a confessing Christian, a mother of four small children, a homeschooler, a homesteader, and... wait for it... runs a wildly successful business on the side. Besides all this, she also co-hosts a podcast and produces cooking shows.

I told you I've been spending waaaay too much time on the internet! But honestly, I am in awe. How does she do it all???? As a homesteader on a small farm, she and her husband raise their own meat supply, make their own cheese (yes, they have a dairy cow too) raise their own fruits and vegetables, plant, weed, and manage their huge gardens, write cookbooks, make Youtube videos, restore their farmhouse, blog, teach their children, and manage a business.

If that wouldn't make someone feel inadequate by comparison, I don't know what would.

I'm not trying to put this woman down in any way. I like her. I love her witness. I genuinely admire her... and her energy!!! She is real, and in her blogging she lets people know that. She doesn't just highlight the successes, she's honest about the failures too. Still, I find myself thinking back to our own homeschooling days. I was dedicated and committed, and with God's help each and every step of the way, we made it through, but, my goodness, it took everything I had and then some to do it. I would never have had the time, energy, or know-how to tackle half of what this gal has going on.

I worried myself sick about whether or not I was ruining my children for life by attempting to take on this challenge myself. I pored over curriculum trying to find the perfect ones for my individual children's needs. I spent long hours with them at the dining room table instructing, showing, demonstrating... and I spent lots of hours on my own working out problems ahead of time in trig, chemistry, and physics so I could be sure I knew what I was talking about. I brushed up on my Spanish. I brushed up on grammar. I gave assessments and had my kids take standardized tests ad-nauseum. I could not have added one other thing.

I felt like I was doing alright. I felt like we were succeeding in meeting our goals and keeping our heads above water, that is, until the newest issue of the homeschooling magazine arrived in the mail. It always highlighted a homeschooling family here in Texas, and inevitably, it was a family doing more, so much more, in every way than we were. There was animal husbandry involved, canning fruits and vegetables, children starting entrepreneurial businesses at the tender ages of ten and twelve.

Oh. My. The comparisons hit hard.

If not for the sage advice of my husband, I might have thrown in the towel on the whole thing. He asked me if the kids were getting the tools they needed to succeed in life. He asked me if they were getting to know their Lord and Savior in a personal relationship kind of way. He said as long as those two things were happening, we were good. Oh... and he advised one more thing, "Throw those magazines away!"

I think about the young women like this blogger, the homeschooling moms, the mothers of young children who stumble across her feed. What are their thoughts after taking it all in? Perhaps there are some who will be inspired to up their game, to take on new and exciting challenges, but, undoubtedly, there will be some like me... like the woman I was back then... the homeschooling mom, the mother of four littles, who will feel utterly inadequate and defeated by what they read.

"Take it with a grain of salt," is a nice saying, but it isn't always so easy to do. When we buy into the perfect squares and the Pollyanna visions, we are buying into someone else's reality, into someone else's giftedness. In truth, we never really see behind the scenes. We don't know what the other ninety-nine percent looks like.

I can only do me. You can only do you. And that's okay... it's more than okay. It's fulfilling the plan and purpose God put together in the beginning for our lives.

Some people can multi-task, put all their talents to use simultaneously, and do it with such ease they don't even break a sweat. I can applaud them. I can admire them, but I don't have to BE them. I can be okay with using one gift in earnest as long as I am serving the Lord and my family or fellow-man with it. I can be fine with the understanding that sometimes God gives talents purely for our own enjoyment. I can realize that there are seasons to life, and that some seasons require certain gifts to come to the forefront while others wait in the wings for their time to flourish.

I wish I would have come to this understanding sooner. I could have saved myself lots of doubt and self-criticism along the way.

I am a unique individual, hand-crafted by the Master to be exactly who I am. I am not perfect, but I am redeemed.

So are you.

We take our talents, be they ten, five, or one, and we use them to the best of our abilities and to the Lord's service. We don't brag in having many, and we don't apologize for having few. We don't waste any more time in comparisons, because no comparison can be made. There is no other like us. Our Heavenly Father has seen to that.

You are a rare and beautiful jewel, reflecting the expert hand that designed you. Your "squares" are perfect just as they are. Your story is true and beautiful because it is written by the One who knows you best.

Rejoice.

Breathe easy.

You are an inspiration too.