Father Knows Best

"Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way,

You are the Potter, I am the clay;

Mold me and make me after Thy will,

While I am waiting, yielded and still."

You'd think in my sixty years I would have learned that pretty well. I thought I had, but every now and again I'm reminded that the grasp I had was not as firm as I thought. You see, sometimes I struggle with the question, "Why?" In particular, "Why, God?" "Why did things happen the way they did?" "Why didn't things work out the way I thought they should have?" I remind myself of my little, three-year-old grandson always questioning, and no matter what the response is, always seeking a more satisfying answer.

For the better part of this last year I've been on an outreach mission of sorts. I took it upon myself to jump feet first into what I could only imagine was God's calling to do so. In this particular endeavor, I could not be swayed. I was patient. I was persistent. I was everything I thought I should be, and you know what? Nothing happened. Not. one. thing. I couldn't understand what went wrong. After all, God had called me to this place. I was sure of it.

Or was I?

Have you ever leapt out in faith... I mean flat-out cannon-balled into the deep end of a project, certain that this was your calling, only to find... it wasn't God's voice you heard at all, but rather your own? This was me. This was my entire last year. I kept pushing and pursuing a need that was clearly not mine to meet. It discouraged me. It made me have doubts.

It made me question.

"Why?" "Why, God?"

I couldn't understand why God had led me to this place only to make it so impossible to succeed. I finally relented. I gave up. I gave in.

I think it is only in those moments when we relinquish the wheel, when we quit straining to be a vessel we are not, that God's will and His purpose for our life can truly take form. The thing is, we must first be willing to be a lump of clay.

There have been so many times in my life when I fought that. Why... I can't say... just plain stubborn, I guess. I'm basically selfish. I want my own way. Now and again what I want and what God wants lines up perfectly, and I'm happy. I'm more than happy; I'm ecstatic. Then there are the times when my wants must defer to His, and though I know deep in my heart that He loves me and He knows best, it's not easy to let the questions go and simply obey.

I think about my son and daughter-in-law, about how patient they are with my little grandson's questions, continuing to answer and explain until his response eventually moves from, "Why?" to "Oh!"... and that's the end of that. I wonder if God feels the same way about my questions. He has every right, you know, to quip back at me, "I'm the Creator of the universe. I don't owe you an explanation." I suppose He could also fall back on the tried and true, "Because I'm the Dad, and I said so," but He doesn't. He never responds that way. As patient as Flint's parents are with his questions, God is infinitely more patient with mine.

I much rather think His response is always kind... and wise... and gentle. I believe when He encounters my frustration, my doubts, and my incessant queries, His response is more like, "Just wait. You'll see."

He doesn't dismiss me. He doesn't patronize me. He doesn't chide me... although I surely often deserve it. Instead, He gives me an answer I can accept... one I can live with.

"Just wait. You'll see."

How beautiful is that?! I might have to wait, but it's not without hope. My questions will ALL be answered, maybe not today, maybe not this year, maybe not even in this lifetime, but they WILL be answered. And what's more. I will be satisfied, because when that answer comes it will describe His picture, not mine.

Strangely enough, that matter I was discussing before. You know, the mission I was beyond certain was one He designed for me? Nah, it really wasn't meant to be. God made that pretty clear to me when He dropped another unexpectedly into my lap... that was even better. Better for me. Better for this clay vessel. Better for His will.

We question. We argue. All the while God listens.

"Mmhmm," He says. And when we've exhausted our probes and finally rested our case with one last, "I just don't understand why," His wise, gentle, and loving reply comes...

"Just wait. You'll see."