"Patience, Grasshopper"

If you've lived long enough, you may remember that phrase from a 1970s martial arts television show: Kung Fu. In the show, Master Po used this phrase with his young student, nicknamed "Grasshopper" (played by David Carradine), to stress the importance of patience and persistence in learning, especially when it takes much time and effort.

This phrase came to mind often over the past three weeks as Tom and I were navigating the healing and rehabilitation of his badly sprained ankle. It was a dumb accident involving a ladder and concrete steps which most definitely could have been avoided -the accident, not the concrete, as it turns out- but which also could have been SO much worse.

Before you assume I will be speaking of Tom's needed patience for the healing process, which is of course necessary indeed, let me assure you that is not the case to which I am referring. Unfortunately, I am speaking of my own.

Patience is a virtue... one I lack. Oh, I'm patient enough to a point, but that isn't saying much now, is it? If I am the pillar of patience for twenty days running, yet on the twenty-first day I lose it, like really, really lose it big time, am I still a patient person? Don't those first twenty days count for anything?

Actually the thing about patience is that in order to be exactly what it is, it must be long-suffering. If I must beg, "How long?" it isn't really patience at all.

You guys, I like to be totally honest here for two reasons. The first is so you will have the real and true picture of me (at least me in this present situation) even though I'd rather you not know it. The second is this: I'm guessing I'm not the only impatient person who ever lived, and maybe, just maybe you can relate.

*If you can, I can assure you there is hope and forgiveness for both of us.

I messed up.

I felt so bad the other night. It was like all the stuffed down, scrunched together impatience with the situation, with Tom, with his ankle, with the crutches, with the ----------------------- (you name it) came boiling over faster than I could put a lid on it. I was ashamed of myself for being so stinking impatient with something my poor husband had no control over.

I had to ask his forgiveness. I had to ask the Lord's forgiveness. Then I had to do the only thing that would work... to pray sincerely for the patience I sorely lacked.

"Why is this so hard for me?" "I want to be a better person... NOW!"

As I was mulling over my apology to Tom and my confession to my heavenly Father, I began to get some clarity over what God expects of me in this situation... in every situation... and just how I'm going to go about that with His most gracious help. You see, God is totally capable of instantly removing impatience from my heart. He could simply speak the word and it would be gone forever.

But...

But God is also my wise and loving Father, and as any good father knows, that which is wrestled with -and through- teaches the biggest lesson. God doesn't just want me to be patient with Tom's sprained ankle, He wants me to learn patience and long-suffering, and that won't happen with a quick fix. Instead of handing it to me all neatly wrapped and tied with a bow, He is giving me opportunities to grow... to learn patience through patience... and through the kind of perseverance that produces true and lasting change.

Will it be easy? I dare say not. Will I be successful? I certainly can do better with God's help, and when I falter, 'cause let's be real, I probably will... He will display His own patience and long-suffering with me, and that is the kind of loving example I will always be able to depend on and strive for with both His help and His grace.

p.s. For Tom: I love you dearly. How very thankful I am that you love me too and that your love is also long-suffering, despite my faults and shortcomings. So blessed that you choose me over and over again.

p.p.s. You can call me "Grasshopper" now too, if you'd like ;)